I do have it all

Moving closer to the actually leaving date and I’m getting more and more excited (yes Jules, here is another update of the preparations for Sri Lanka 2013tm)

 I have now done the customary boots shopping. After convincing Ol we dont need sterile syringes, a pop up emergency tent and our own mosquito net I still went a bit bananas in there.

Sun block 50, 30 and 15, plasters, insect repellant, neurofens and wound wash (i have had the unpleasant experience of having the tiniest scratch getting infected and having my entire leg swell up) as well as some beauty stuff. Sri Lankan beaches wont know what hit them.

Especially not when Oliver walks around with his homemade MUNTRON tattoo.


Don’t know if you are like me but if so the trial of finding new music to listen too during long days in front of the work computer is an ever present problem.

I try and get music from everywhere i can and make music lists of everything that tickles my fancy.

So, if you have the same ‘almost painfully hipster’ (my brother) and ‘super commercial’ (Oliver) taste as me maybe you’ll find something in my 2013 music list.

If you see me you will see the smile in the corner of my eye

Another cold morning. Guess I dont have to tell any one of you that. Wearing my big jacket that Ol adopted from NY. 3 days left, that what gets me out of bed in the morning. That and the fact that you have to.

Talked a lot about depressions and it’s implications over the last couple of days. So many suffers from it. Guess it’s the times, the age and the fact that people are more and more likely to analyze themselves. Can’t say if it’s good or bad, I know i needed it since I couldnt handle myself but at the same time I wish I just didnt have that much time to think. Without endless thinking about the past and the possibilities of the future it isn’t much to be depressed about.

Medicines helped me. I think that if you are at the point were you’ve tried it all and nothing seems to help they could give you the strength to rise above the thoughts in your mind and manage them. Can’t say if that’s true for everyone though.

Hope the sun peeks through soon, that usually helps. It’s hard to be unhappy with the sun on your face.

 Last years Midsummer at Djursvik. Photo by Oliver Holms


Can’t wait until Friday because we are off to the land of sunshine, mosquitos, curries, beaches and first time surfing for moi – Sri Lanka!

I’m so excited that i started (and basically finished) packing yesterday. Oliver said I stressed him and out gave him a headache since I was more or less done. I have downloaded 6 books to my kindle, nicked some travel shampoo from mum and dad’s hotel room, taken all my jabs, packed beach clothes as well as warm clothes (don’t want to do the classic south america mistake and miss that it’s minus at night time in the mountains and cry myself to sleep cause i cant feel my feet any longer) and set up a travel route for us.

I am ready to get going. Preferable now. Leaving this dreadful, never ending winter, behind.

When it snows in London

Mum and Dad were here over the weekend. It snowed. I had promised Mum that the Magnolias would be in full bloom and Dad we were taking a long walk with Ziggy, instead we were huddled up in the warmth trying to get away from the snow that kept pouring down.

We had a pretty awesome time anyway.

On Friday we went to the Havelock and had dinner. Dad had an updated version of the Pappa’s guffe – sausage with baked beans. That made him feel safe.

We also had desserts. These look good, they werent.

On Saturday we went to Tate Britain to see the pre raphaelites. They were on tour, we got to see this crucified Mc Donals burger instead. Same shit.

After this riveting cultural experience Dad wanted to go to Fortnum and Mason so we did. Mum and me ate Macarons, Ol and Dad didnt get any. Sometimes you win being a girl.

After this we went to the gay haven of soho and Balans and ate Eggs Benedict. It was the only thing my mum wanted to eat so we obliged.

On Sunday the left snowy London and I took Ol to Westfield for some hard core shopping. He tried to hide in the practical outdoorsy shop, I made him get fashion. It took a lot of coaxing but eventually he bought jeans, chinos, t-shirts and swimming trunks. Win. 

In the evening Miranda came over with a home made dark chocolate banana cake. Yum!

I had to do something to say thanks so I made the perfect amount of popcorn.

We also watched End of the Watch – a surprisingly good cop movie about LAPD. Jake Gyllenhaal was good and me, who dont particularly like cop movies, found myself really engaged in the story. It was simply put a really good movie.

That first morning

I was tired. I had woken early with my heart beating hard. Everything was wrong, I shouldn’t be sleeping on this sofa, fully dressed, in someone else’s house. A hard morning sun glared through the window and I saw you sleeping on the sofa, dark eyelashes on pale skin.

I got up, hid away on the stairs in the cold morning sun. I knew I was out deep here. We’ve had a good night, a laughing, dancing, blooming attraction one but then all went wrong when we came to the house and I made you sleep on the sofa when refusing to follow you home. I feel asleep in the corner with my arms wrapped around me.

I didn’t know what i was doing. Wanted to be somewhere else but didn’t want to leave before you woke up. Listened to sad music and wondered how I would make this alright. After hours alone with my thoughts you wake up and came out to me on the stairs. I didn’t really dare to meet your eyes, didn’t want to fail in making it natural and ok.

You talked, laughed and commented on me alone in the sun and the cold. You crept in under the blanket and shared it we me and it was what it should be. Me, who have a hard time being close to people I don’t know, felt at home in your closeness and I knew that between you and me it would always be like this, always feel like home.