Food envy

Guys, its Friday again. So much epicness on that! Get your crazy out and lets celebrate life and all that jazz. Because all kinds of awesome.

Look at this genius picture of me and the girls last night. Making people look good is my forte. We were talking Dani’s Visa and move to san fran, Kirstens upcoming wedding and my general happiness.

Yes, we were THOSE girls. The ones you generally hate and fucking love the rare moments you get to be them. During our 6 years in this city this is probably the best we have ever all been at the same time (well, those first couple of months whem we were OWNING the nightclubs of London werent too bad either)

We celebrated that with crazy amounts of food. Because we are those girls too. The ones that eat. And potentially drink a bit too much. All hands up for that. Plus, the food at Dishoom is too good to not eat. Fact.

Texted with G this morning. Still not out of bed even if its was 8.15. Disgrace. Look at my face of shame (Not. So liking sneaky mornings in bed. Me and mini hound both.)

He sent me a pepping ‘get your ass out of bed woman’. So i did. Obedient. Thats me.

Bring on weekend!

Follow me through the looking glass

Feeling surprisingly fresh after a night up East. Maybe because G and I went to bed at 11.30. Sometimes miracles DO happen. Had the weirdest sleep though, kept waking up thinking W was in the room and I’ve forgotten to let him out. Dont want to go Freud on that.

We did do something before sleepy times though. First a cocktail tasting thing at Looking Glass Cocktail Club on Hackney Road. They were hiring a new bartender and we got to taste their cocktails to decide who would get the job. Yes! The place is awesome. It has a big mirror on one wall and behind that is a hidden room for an extra bar. And the drinks are all inspired by Alice in Wonderland. Totally my kind of place.

I spent most of the time talking to the cutest aussie boy fresh off the boat. 24. Naaaw. He asked me about my craziest London stories and when I was done I got a bow and a ‘you are my inspiration’. Oh my, thank you. G totally movie swooped me up in a dipping kiss and told me Im awesome for befriending baby aussie guys *brush invisible dust off shoulder* (and smooth moves him).

Then we went for some Vietnamese food with G’s friends and after stupid amounts of food home. Where G realised he forgot to buy me pickles (so sweet because knows i love them BUT i dont actually need them. Its not like i ever have pickles at home. But i’ll let him keep believing I cant survive without my pickles.)

My breakfast. If the man cant provide a girl have to satisfy herself.

Tonight seeing Dani and Kirsten. Dani has got her visa and are off to US in October so need to get the most out of our time together. Crazy years to be put to bed. 

Science is da bomb

You know in the beginning of dating someone when you are still trying to impress them. Before you are…well…not (at least not to the same ‘sure im into watching [insert niche interest here] all night’ extent). Thats me. Both hands up. To be fair i have it pretty easy because impressing G mostly consists of being into nerdy, fantasy things (woop), being up for socialising all days of the week (double woop) and never wanting the party to stop (hell yeah).

Easy peasy lemon squeezy. I can do that shit eyes closed.

Then he asked me if i wanted to go to some science talks and I was like ‘Quantum Theory you say? So in. In like Flynn’ *google ‘Quantum Theory’ furiously*

I didnt tell him that a) know little to nothing about anything scienc-y. There is a reason im in to fantasy and not sci-fi. b) Im bad with talks. Even on things i care about c) i mostly said yes because I want to see him. And eat franco manca in Chiswick.

I guess ill learn something. If I don’t fall asleep.

Sat down for a minute in the park. I thought. Instead I feel asleep. Good thing my inner alarm woke me up in time to not be late. #winningatlife

Walkies

The weather was so lovely last night I just had to grab Katta under the arm and take her around Wormwood Scrubs. Woolly was NOT unhappy about that.

London in spring ❤

Katta and me spent most of the walk talking about how amazing this city is and how happy she is that she moved her. Me too. And she has the best to come when ALL the pubs explode unto the streets and London celebrate all summer.

After the walk we went for some turkish take away. Woolly was not unhappy about that either. He knows that means chicken.

We were pretty damn happy too. Afer 4 hours walking you deserve kebab. Loads of it. Enough for lunch the day after.

Snoozer hound took a snooze and we had chocolate on the sofa. A tuesday well spent I would say. Heading up East way tonight for some cocktails – bring on fun half of the week.

What to do about the bad ones

I dont go to the gym any longer. Havent in about a year. Or longer. Partly because im lazy but mainly because i KNOW how easy it goes out of hand. Or, im scared of it. Or maybe I just use it as an excuse. Who knows. Truth is that i walk about 2 hours a day but every time i walk past the gym my insides shudder.

Because face it. For whatever reason the punish and over do loop to handle bad days are ALWAYS close by. And with my brain reacting as it does to alcohol every week has bad days from that perspective. Eat a cookie – go out and walk. Now! (and lets not even mention how I have to fight the urge to puke.)

That little musing on ‘weird things your brain do to totally trip you over’ aside I got given an Easter Egg yesterday. 100% awesome. Enjoying my swedish candy. Until my brain realised it was a Monday and it was seriously lacking in anything positive in the overuse of that from the weekend.

Bam. Instant bad thoughts.

Which, honestly, happen to most people if they nail half an Easter Egg on a Monday. Standard. However, my brain tends to make me bad at about EVERYTHING when that happens. ‘You think that guy likes you? BAHAAAA’. ‘You know that fact that you just generally FAIL AT LIFE’, ‘you know how your friends  say they like you? They lie. Sucker’

Thats when i want to walk. Or puke. Or get drunk. Or smoke about a 100 cigarettes. Or do anything else to make me feel better/prove that im as shit as I think I am.

Good thing im a ninja bad thoughts/habits handler when ace and not depressed.

Handled them by sofa with snoozer, tv, candy crush, texting ALL my friends and general internetz time. As anyone with an over active brain issue knows – multi tasking is your friend (or worst enemy). Mindfulness my ass, the more the better. Then you fall asleep from sheer exhaustion.

Since im actually in a good place and generally happy these hiccup days are manageable. I know they’ll come, know what to do about them and know that theyll pass. I high five myself for every time I nail them. For anyone who knows how the bad one can OWN you you also know how proud you are when they dont.

So, yeah me!

Seriously London you absolute beaut

What a weekend. Again. I kind of love my life. Its just so much fun. Stan looked at me on Saturday and said ‘its just so much fun to have fun’ and i was like ‘ I knooooow’. I said exactly that a couple of years back which had Kix laughing at me. But it IS fun to have fun.

On Friday Katta and me headed up to Found to have a couple of drinks. Or 5. Plus jäger. The bar was full and loads of people ive met through G. Dom, the guy we met at Secret Cinema was there with some lady friend. Good for him. Katta and me got seats in the bar and apparently I stared starry eyed  at G enough to have his friend come up to him and tell him that the brunette in the bar is checking him out. She thought it was hilarious when he told her I was his girlfriend.

Guess its somewhat obvious i like him…(whats not to like with a guy making me amazing drinks though?). At the end of the night I got a paper rose from his friend with a flourished bow saying it was from G (and then whispered in my ear that its not, its from him because you need to put a smile on pretty ladies faces. Yes you do)

Went home to the little mini hound at midnight and Saturday we took a walk in gloomy but pretty london. Then  it was time for Seb and Laura’s leaving drinks before they are heading back to the motherland at the end of the month (sad face).

Mini Marina was the star of the night. Such a little angel girl. They’ll make such a little swede girl of her. What happens with Captain Sweden as a dad.

Stan was on form telling stories from his stag in Iceland last weekend.  When G showed up they realised they are the same year bulgarians. Apparently thats a big thing. Stan has previously looked at me proclaimimg that the bulgarian/aussie combo sounds scary. That says a lot coming from Stan.

W was not impressed with life after a couple of hours in the pub being followed around by his biggest fan Lola so we left, went back to mine to leave him and then headed up to Notting Hill to meet with old work crew.

These guys. Pretty damn awesome.

A lot of love going around. We were in this place called the cow in notting hill and suddenly the guys from the old band Madness jumped up on the bar and started playing guitar and singing and everyone in the pub sang along. Fucking love London.

When i needed to go back for W around midnight the others decided to come with and I made us some food and then we sat at mine talking until 5 in the morning. Pretty perfect night if you ask me.

On Sunday I let G sleep in because destroyed and cleaned the flat, walked W and made some breakfast before he woke up at 3. Im super woman and LOVE being the one who is up being all sensible. Then we wached some aussie movie that G wanted to show me, had some dinner, watched some more TV and crashed in bed by 10. Seriously – dream sunday.

These two…its something about when the guy you like like the things your like. Until i realised i was third wheel. You lose some you win some.

Lips tasting like romance and cigarettes

I’m 33 and think romance is over. After the last heart break I don’t want love to be for me. I don’t want to feel like that ever again. I do hope for someone. But something easy and fun and not too emotional and maybe just companionship. Because love do really hurt and last year broke me.

When I meet you I’m cool as a cucumber. There are other boys in my life and when I see you I think to myself that you are so my type but go on to forget about you. Because those other boys give me what I want – someone that asks nothing but give a lot. One of them fix my kitchen drawer when it breaks and one cooks me food and lights candles that smell like Christmas all over his flat. And I see them when I want. I don’t know what to do with more than that.

But you keep showing up and I get slowly more aware of you. Every time I meet you a part in me keep thinking how well you match me. I say goodbye to you, it’s only the second time we meet, and you run around the bar and throw me up in a bear hug and hug all my broken pieces together. Like in the stories I like to read. That night I add you on Fb.

The next time I run into you at the bar we properly talk for the first time. You need to leave for an interview but stay with me until then and we talk fantasy and I don’t want you to leave. When you need to run we decide that we need to meet up and do this again and just before you leave you say:

‘Hope your boyfriend is ok with me stealing you away’ and I only have time to say ‘I don’t have a boyfriend’ before you are gone.

I’m trying hard to keep you nothing before we meet up. I deliberately do not choose clothes I feel extra pretty in and I book for one of the boys to come over the night after seeing you. My heart is on lock down and guarding itself. It knows you smell like danger.

And then you happen. With your laugh, fortune cookies, kisses, fence climbing, nerdery, best version of crazy. Lips tasting like romance and cigarettes. Smile promising adventures and stories. Hands waking feelings and tracing emotions.

We wake up in the morning and I let you hold my hand on the tube. Even if it scares me half to death. When you look at the tube map saying its only 40 min to get from me to you I panic because I feel my heart unlocking. I don’t want you, im not sure i can handle you, but I can’t stop you happening.

That night I cancel with that other boy and I lay in bed feeling my heart beat to the rhythm of waking emotions. Fuck