A depressing read (sorry)

Apparently signs of stress related burn out is very vivid nightmares, low immune system, trouble sleeping and a need to pull away from social situations as well as an encompassing tiredness.

Basically me for the last 4 months.

I think its very early days and its weirdly alike my depression. However, depression is followed by emotional fatigue and im not having that at all. I care about things, im just so tired all the time. Like completely crashing tired. And i feeling like i cant do anything to change it.

I know work have been stressful. The not knowing whats going on or being able to protect my team is draining. I have no problem with having loads to do but the politics at work is really not easy on me. My dreams are a constant battle, a never ending feeling of fighting and failing.

I also feel guilty for being so tired all the time. I want to be fun and out and be me. I guess that adds to the stress.

Im glad summer is coming. I hope that will give me a much needed break. Im also going to try and find ways of relaxing. I know shit is bad when my resting heart rate is up at 64 rather than my nornal 54.

Taking walks during the afternoon is one way. I do this pretty much every day. Leave the office for 30 min and walk around. It feels necessary at the moment.

Pottering around in my garden also helps calming my mind. Its easy and something i can control and see grow. Results and control. Every stressed out persons dream. Plus its my little haven out there.

Accepting the fact that this is how it is at the moment and stop fighting it. I feel so bad about being weak and tired but that is not helping. Instead i’ll focus on things that gives me energy and accept that this is me right now. It wont be me always but right now im generally low on energy.

Finally take a page out of Woollys book. Sleeping on the sofa. I even tense when i sleep at the moment. Wake up with a strain i my back and pain in my teeth from grinding them so hard. More relaxed Woolly sleeping is needed.

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