The darkness in my mind

Im sorry to those of you that are not that interested in hearing about my, somewhat depressing, baby journey. Its just all I think of at the moment and since this is my space i find it really hard to fake it. Good thing about not really having readers you dont know is that i can let it be my space, to be as happy or sad as i am.

Got the follow up appointment from the doctor. At the end of October. So not 6 weeks but almost 11. Thats just feels…too long. I had prepared myself to let it go for 6 weeks and now im struggling. I know its NHS and its all free and I should be happy that im getting help at all and that it hasnt been that long…

I know all of that but my mind has its own mind (yeah, just wrote that) and this is my world where well, im the most important there is (sorry G&W). And its not helping that ive run out of prozac, had to go cold turkey and cant get hold of the GP for an appointment for another two weeks. I need that on a good day and being in the middle of this isnt really what i would call a good day.

Also, the thing is struggle with the most is how hard it sometimes is to be happy for others around me. Especially the ones that are pregnant right now. I kind of just want to live in a pregnant free world for a while. Anyone willing to provide that? Maybe i should hide on a deserted island. Go all Robinson on my life.

So again, sorry for being so negative and sad about it. I actually try and be more postive in real life. So this is kind of where i let it all out. The frustration and fear and sadness. Because its there, like a little ball of dark curled up in my mind at all times. Triggered by the smallest things and making me quite unstable.

This picture ha nothing to do with the text. It was just me starving yesterday eating everything. As you do.

George is in Finland at the moment so me and Woolly have the flat to ourselves. We will eat bagels for dinner and read stupid YA books about fairies. Winning.

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