Boss lady

Work is busy at the moment. Trouble in paradise. When you have one of your teams being as big as 40 people you are going to run into issues from time to time. So we are working on them. Finding solutions. Me and Rai from HR are thick as thieves.

These are the kind of things that 22 year old me couldnt even dream i would face. Running two teams of a total of about 50 people. That is a lot of people to make happy but also make sure they work. That delicate balance. I tend to be close to my team, trust them, know them well but that gets harders when the team is so big and you have 3 lines of managers between you and some of them.

But i learn. Find new ways of being a manager. And grow i guess. Take a lot of good decisions and some very unpopular ones. That comes with the territory.

Yesterday i got home quite late and missed a dinner with Katta and Madde. I try and make sure work never really impact my private life, i dont think it should, but sometimes its inevitable.

So i made myself a somewhat weird dish. A turkey mince chilli. George is supposed to stay away from red meat on his 8 week challenge so when i cook for the both of us i do the same. And lots of veggies. We all know veggies is good for you and the environment.

Hello there lil plate of weirdness.

I slept on the sofa the night before since George had one of his snory ones. The duvet was still there and Woolly was beyond happy.

It was cold when i left the flat for the doggy night walk. 5 degrees. So my furry hat from bulgaria was a winner. I feel ready for winter.

Oh why are you so cute Woolly? George came home around 8.30 but then left early again this morning for Leeds and wont be home until Wednesday evening. I call him the nightime ghost.

Not too unappy since i have dinner with Lily tonight and i new book ive been waiting a year for. Dont need no man, strong independent woman.

Finding the calmness inside

I love autumn when its like this one. Long, warm days with that crisp autumn air and the world turning into sparkling colours. Cold mornings and you have to take off your sweater by the afternoon when the air heats up.

Lucky for me the weekend was exactly like that. To the point that i even complained on the Sunday because it was too warm. I want to use my sweaters…

On Saturday katta and me headed to Richmond to take a walk before Lollos bday lunch. Most of London took to the streets to protest Brexit so we were left to a deserted and very colourful  Richmond Park.

Not unhappy having this beauty by my side.

We walked around in the more foresty bits feeling like forest elves in our skirts and dresses.

Said hello to this guy chilling under a tree. The deers in Richmond are wild but kind of uncaring about all the humans. So we could get this close and he just kind of a bit of a stinky eye before we moved on.

I mean, look at all this beauty. When i get old ill make George live close to a forest i can walk around in with like 5 dogs.

Totally dressed for walking around in a forest. In my defence we were going straight to the fancy lunch at Petersham nuserries so dress for sucess. And yes, it was t-shirt weather even in the shade.

At Petersham the Christmas baubles had come out. Yes, i was in heaven. Katta gifted her and me with the same bauble. My tree is going to be beyond epic this year, i have so many lovely decorations now from all over the world.

Whats cooking good looking?

Waiting for the others to show up. Both hungry and dreaming of a GT but they only served wine. Oh well. Probably for the best.

It was a set menu with like 8 different courses. Lovely as always at Petersham but loads fo food.

Katta and Lily. Both Bookclub Babes.

Yes, totally eating with my eyes as well when om here.

Mini Rey, Rachel and Sam. Yes boys, having a pretty gorgeous view going on here.

This <3. Plum and almond tart. Ive fallen in love with plum frangipane tarts since i came to England. Not too sweet but so good.

The birthday girl herself in all her blue leopard glory. Happy you day you gorgeous girl.

It was turning all cotton candy when we left.

Ha, always the joker my guy. We all took cabs to the Westbourne for a drink or 3.

We look more party than we actually were. I started yawning around 10 and George was a shell after all the traveling so we went home around 10.30.

On Sunday we went to brunch in East and had such a nice time i took zero photos. On the way home i had a bit of a looping outburst on George, Which was totally not fair. Cant really stop myself when my brain starts going a bit mental like that and its so much negative thoughts and fears at the moment that it get bad.

Basically im scared. Im scared of whats ahead, what it will do to me and my mental health and mostly what itll do to me and George. I feel guilty for all of this and like im making him do something he doesnt want to do (which is not true, thats my demons) and i push out. To him and to punish myself.

It sucks. But i dont know how to stop. It gets built up and the fear makes me say stupid shit. Think i should probably get back into therapy to have someone to talk to. Just to get it out from time to time and air it rather than just pushing it down.

People that knows tells me this is one of the hardest things you can go through as a couple and im feeling it. Its like a ball of hurt that makes me feel lonely and scared. All the time. And i know George is feeling it as well.

Saturday sun

It’s kind of helping in a weird way when there is an artist out there going through the same thing as we are. Putting images to my feelings.

Me and Woolly were just home last night. George was working and I needed the break after a shit day at work. When everyone else went for drinks I went home. Yep, I’ve become my own worst nightmare

But high fiving myself today. Soon out to meet Katta for a walk in Richmond Park before Lollo’s bday lunch in Petersham.

Next week will be hectic so making sure I get some nature in before.

My little Maggies bday

Its been a long week. Ive been working from home and been in an emotional shit storm due to getting my period. Damn you period…I wasnt a fan before but now i pretty much hate you.

Well, not all is bad in Cissiland. Maggie came to visit on Wedensday and we had one of those amazing girls night out.

Working from home my package from Maria Nilsdotter finally showed up.

My knife earring with a ruby as a drop of blood. Hilariously Lollo thought it was actually a drop of my blood in a stone. Macabre. And like thats what my friends think of me.

Felt like the baddest bad ass of all bad asses.

Matched it with the Fenty lip paint and all black. This lipstick is the shit. Best colour and sits like actual paint. Problem is that if you go out the lines you are fucked. And i kind of did. Hence the pouty mouth on all pics.

Showing the girls my lipstick. Its one of those magic products all girls should own.

Went to Pachamama in Marleybone to meet up with the girls.

We gave Maggie her bday gift from us girls.

A pink polaroid camera with a selfie mirror. Cant get more Maggie than that.

Ma girls. Love having my little girl gangs in London.

We had a perfect girl night even inclusing a free round of drinks. These ol’ gals still have it.

<3. Love this girl. So happy to get to celebrate her.

Havent seen Malin in absolute ages. That has to change! So i acquired her for the bookclub. Keep the good one close.

This is why you love a polariod camera. Instant awesome pics.

The staff came and sang for Maggie. Im not sure who is the happiest here, Maggie or the waitress.

Act natural they say.

Seriously, i love me a pisco sour. One of the best there is. But, the plum sours George did two years ago for Xmas was even better. Maybe a december drink here in London revival of that amazing drink.

After dinner we went to Soho house. You cant take any pictures but i was allowed to take one of the second cake for Maggie for the day.

And a couple of us because im a rebel with a cause. Take sexy pics of my friends.

We stayed until 3am…cant remember last time i went all in on a weekday like that. And we were all in the same space. Crazy kids.

Maggie and me came home and dove straight into bed. The old teaspoon routine. She woke up with a start realising she was delayed for the meeting with her boss.

Love that we are the bosses now but still act like 22 year old something. Awesome night, i think we all needed that.

New sexy boots

Maggie is in town today. Its her bday. And we are going out for a girls dinner to celebrate. She is probably the one of my close friends ive known the longest. We went to school together and have known each other since we were 17. Thats almost 20 years. Damn.

She is going to stay with me tonight. She can be my teaspoon again. We moved in together 10 years ago when we both ended our relationships at the same time. It was a lot of pizza in bed, crying in front of the TV, late night dancing, laughter and hungover mornings. We lived in a tiny flat and shared a bed and most of our money went to trips and wine.

Not a bad way to live in your mid twenties. Now she is married and have a baby but shell always be my wifey.

Got new boots from Zara. Love them. I feel like a punk rocker but they are also comfy. Winter is saved with these bad boys.

Yeah baby. There is a lot of bling on shoes at the moment which im not a massive fan of but these are the perfect amount of bling. More than this and its an eyesore.

Getting status updates from my man travelling around. He seems to be enjoying himself.

Me, im coming down with my nose cold sore again. That time a year. Always sexy with an infected nose. So im working from home today. No important meetings i cant do from here and feeling a bit rough.

I dont know. Im having a hard time caring about work at the moment. I think everything im my private life makes work seem a little less important. Its such a struggle on a daily basis in my job and i dont have the energy when im also fighting life in general.

I guess im just tired today, infected nose and all. Good thing i get to put on some make up and see the girls tonight.

A star is born

Our boiler was broken again this morning so no hot water. Fortunately its not so cold yet so the flat was ok but no shower for me. Stinky. And messy, dirty hair for my new passport photo. Oh well, no one looks good in those ones anyway.

Katta and me went to the cinema to see A star is born yesterday. I pushed my intermittent fasting thing a bit and had popcorn until 9 o clock. Thats what i love with this, its not a diet, ist just a way of letting the stomach rest (and eat less because you simply eat less hours a day) but its totally flexible and you dont ‘destroy’ anything by missing out on a day or two.

Anyway, back to the movie. It. Was. Absolutely. Amazing!! Kid you not. It had me crying and laughing and i might have fallen a tad bit in love with Bradley Coopers broken Jack. I mean, we all know i cant say no to a bearded man with a deep voice…and then singing on top of that. Mmmhmmm.

And the music. Ive been singing along to Shallow all day and the chorus to I’ll never love again have me hiccup sobbing and like a cheesy fool sending it to George being all ‘this is how i feel about you’

Don’t wanna feel another touch
Don’t wanna start another fire
Don’t wanna know another kiss
No other name falling off my lips
Don’t wanna give my heart away
To another stranger
Or let another day begin
Won’t even let the sunlight in
No, I’ll never love again
I’ll never love again, oh, oh, oh, oh
Even Lady Gaga was amazing and i love how she feels real. Not too Hollywood.
See it! Such a good movie.

This morning F sent a picture of my little god daughter wearing the Batman onsie i gave her. With the cape. Super hero!

Had me laughing when i was waiting to get my passport renewed. They called me on the fact that im still registered in Sweden. Oooops.

Walked home through Hyde Park and it was one of those magical autumn days. Sunny and warm but that crisp autumn air.

And the colour. I was listening to the soundtrack to A star is born and was kind of taken by the beauty of it all. Almost shed a little tear walking there.

This is the face of one happy girl. Had a pretty shitty day yesterday (just life. had one of those ‘why cant i catch a break’ days) but today i feel happy and content and very much in love with my man.

Thats the rollercoaster of life eh. You just have to follow the ups and downs. Its when you fight them you fall.

Hide from the rain

Monday. New week. New start. Or something. Think positive and all that jazz. My dreams were filled with weird shit so clearly my mind is processing. But me, im thinking positive and being strong and go girl!

And, today is Christmas music day… the softest, easiest shit there is. Katta and me booked a Lucia and swedish dinner date night on the 6th of December. Is it ok that im looking forward to it way too much already? The trickier the world is the softer i need everything around me to be.

On Sunday it poured down in London. Woolly went to hide under a tree and refused to come out so George and me had to hide with him. I tried to take a selfie but he was having none of it.

Then you grab your man for a selfie instead.

After all that rain we dried up and went home to Skype with Gina. Woolly super keen on a conversation with grandma.

As soon as he got out of the hug he hid behind me for George not to get to him again. Who wants to be treated like a baby when you are a grown ass doggo?

George is in Edingburgh and Cologne this week so Ive got London to myself. Tonight movie with Katta, bday dinner for Maggie on Wednesday and bday lunch for Lollo on Saturday. Fun times.