The waiting game

Day 46321*&%$ of waiting for the results. Gaaaah! Its like that experiment with the kids and the candy. Do you eat it straight away and wait for the second one. I could do a test already. It wouldnt be 100% correct but it would be maybe 80% and something to ease this worried mind. Or i wait until thursday.

This is too much. Because im a good girl ill wait until thursday. And because George is back home to do the test with me (not the peeing part, that would be weird). And yes, im failing miserably on not googling my signs. Even if i know they mean nothing when im on all the medications i am.

If April was the longest month ever this is the longest 2 weeks i have ever experienced. Didnt know two weeks could be this long. And if it doesnt work not sure my poor heart can handle this again. I mean, how much is one person meant to handle?

Ok, done with that tiny violin. Luckily work is busy. That helps. Meetings until 19.30 yesterday and then back in 8.30 this morning. Barely any time to fret. This might be the first and only time but thank god for the french.

Doing that snapchat filter everyone is hooked by. Me as a guy.

Watched GoT. Was very disappointed. What up with just throwing Dany into become a crazy bitch.

But, loving the internet as always.

Hehe.

Daily motivations. You are not the golden company!

So yeah, about not going crazy over them signs. This is my resting heart rate. Its been consistenly up since the transfer. Medication shouldnt impact that but a pregnancy could (and stress and worry and going crazy but lets no focus on that)

My sharps bin. Looking pretty full there mate. Think it means that this shit needs to be over soon. There is literally no space left on my stomach not bruised.

I was struggling yesterday. Big time. Everything felt so bloody hopeless. And unfair. Why is this so easy for everyone else and so bloody hard for us. I wouldnt wish this journey on my worst enemy. I can easily say its the hardest i had to deal with me in my life, there is so much connected to family and babies and future not to speak of your actual biological clock kicking in that makes it hell.

But, we are hoping for the light at the end of that tunnel.

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