Paris walks

Back from Paris. Luckily for me Lollo was also going back from Paris yesterday so we could share train. Made those 2.5h go a lot quicker and a much needed catch up. Have barely seen anyone for the last 3 months so love any friend meet up i can get.

Im actually feeling really good at the moment (knock on wood). Tired but otherwise much better than during the treatment. I feel like im coming back to myself and have the time and energy for my friends, work and for myself. I actually have energy to care about my friends again. And to see them. Cant explain how good that feels. Use me people before i blow up like a balloon. I even cleared the house today. Look at me being a normal person.

So far not too bad nausea. I even got worried i had dreamt everything and did another pregnancy test today. Jellybean is still in there. And in a week we have our first scan. Cant wait.

Decided to take a walk to a park during lunch yesterday.

Problem is that there is no parks in Paris, its all cemetrys. So i ended up walking around a, very pretty, but still a little bit creepy graveyard for an hour.

Took photos because beautiful.

Nice to get out and leave the office. Its tricky when im in Paris because i cant understand anyone around me and i always just feel like a guest. But since ill be there every week i need to claim some of the city for my own.

While waiting for Lollo at the station has an ok burger but a heavenly milkshake. And dont worry, i do eat healthy stuff as well. Had lentils and avocado and shit for lunch.

Woolly meeting Jellybean. If he only knew how is life will change. But so far just loving the extra softness of mummys tummy.

George is working late all week so ill be fixing in the garden and hanging around in the flat. Nesting.

An adenturer at heart

Hello from Paris. That without me really knowing how has become my second home. I bonjour and merci all around at the moment and i trick the people at franprix that im french. (nowhere else though, my french is limited to basically those two words).

So, i guess im a girl from Sweden, living in London with my Australian fiance commuting to Paris on a weekly basis. Ha, life turns out weird sometimes. All because i have a habit of saying yes to adventures.

Checking out the view from my balcony. Good thing is that because i keep coming back to the same hotel they treat me better and better. Ill be a VIP before you know it. And soon ill get my carte blance for the Eurostar. Thank god.

Balcony dinner. None of the fancy cheeses but who cares when you have a view and baguette.

And then straight to bed because you just cant stop this wild cat.

Heh, preggers brekkie. Egg and potato and pancake. All in one delicious mix. Feeling fiiine and the moment so taking the chance of eating as much as i can. I have lost 1kg in the last couple of weeks. Thats not a problem but time to start gaining. Its a hard life, i know.

Heres Jellybean. It (yeah, totally an it, looks 100% alien) has a heart beat. Thats what we are checking next week. If it sounds ok the chance of anything going wrong is down to like 5%. So fight little bean.

Big as a smartie. Making me hungry. But thats like an actual size. I could hold it in my hand and it see it. That shit is crazy.

I know all of this is so early and most people dont talk about it yet but hey, ive been sharing this journey so here goes every bit of it. The hopes and dreams and potential heartache. But i hope. I have a good feeling. I think jellybean loves candy as much as its mum and wants to stay. And if not, well, then we deal with that like with everything else.

Food for thought

W6 jellybean is waving hi with his/her lil arm nubs. Hey there little alien invading my body.

I’m on the train to Paris. No problem going on the Eurostar with a bag full of needles. Good to know. Wonder what the hotel staff will think though when they find my discarded needles? Bad to the bone.

My excitement about Paris is like always…lukewarm at best. But, Lollo is here as well so don’t have to be lonely lennart tonight but have a friend to eat with. Miracles do happen.

Last night George and be went to the theatre.

I looked like I was 4 months pregnant. Hah. Blame the bloat from all the medications.

Play was brilliant. Called Admissions and deals with the white middle class pc ways and want for diversity as long as they don’t have to sacrifice anything.

Very interesting and sometimes a bit close to home. It’s easy to be accepting and and wanting everyone to have the same rights when it doesn’t affect you negatively in anyway. White people, especially men, still rule the world.

One thing that I thought was extra interesting is when the son blamed his mum for always hating on white men when in fact he is one himself and how that made him feel growing up. Food for thought for an avid feminist like me.

Pretty boring

I feel guilty about being so boring at the moment. Toward myself, George, the world. I mean, i dont even know who am feeling guilty to. But after 2 months treatment i have zero energy and constantly have to cancel things. My stomach, which is an unstable nightmare at the best of times, is killing me. I cant trust it all. So any tube rides or longer trips in cabs etc is complicated.

Fun huh. I know im allowed to rest. And ive been waiting for this for soooo long. But i still feel guilty. And boring. Just sitting on the sofa. I love lazying around but still.

Oh well, lean into it i guess. Going to the theatre tonight and then Paris tomorrow. My boss is making me work next monday which is bank holiday here so i negotiated a day in lieu. Which is great since i can take it any time. These holidays are going to be gold.

We were going up to East yesterday but after Saturdays debacle we ended up around the corner with Harry coming down instead. Love you Harry for traveling all over town for our sorry asses.

Ha, trying to come up with anything fun to write but i do nothing right now. And GoT is too early, not spoiling thay for anyone. So here we are, discussing how boring i am 🙂

The other side

Got food poisoning yesterday. Or something. But since George came down with a milder version of the same thing that’s the only conclusion.

Felt nauseous and thought it was the dreaded morning sickness but then I started throwing up. For 5h. And other things. Let’s just say it was a cleansing of pretty much everything in my body.

Feel completely done today. Drinking liquids and trying to get equilibrium. And honestly, just happy it wasn’t morning sickness because throwing up for 5h every 10 min can’t be healthy (I say now not nothing was my body has in store for me).

We had a lovely lunch though. I won’t blame the place because I think it’s me being overly sensitive.

Helen was working so had to be the insta goddess.

And then this. Already on the tube home so had to jump off on the way but made it home.

We were supposed to head up east today but staying home. Feel useless at the moment, the treatment really did a number on my stomach and jellybean ain’t helping.

Sorry for this post of well…moaning…I am really happy generally. I blame the 4h sleep I had.

But, the only way is up.

The bloat

I love my mum. She’s the most pragmatic, non sentimental person I know. I know she is super happy about the news, and in a rare show of emotions she told me how nervous she was when dad called her on Thursday with the news.

However, back to her more…mum side. Her one piece of advice is to not tell people yet because then you are ‘pregnant for so bloody long’. Sorry mum, but I’ve pretty much been pregnant for three months already with not being able to drink, all the hormones and having to tell people about the treatment.

That’s a riddle for you. How do a woman end up being pregnant for 12 months? Do ivf…

This is what my app says it looks like. Like a giant ear. Just like it’s dad.

I must admit I prefer the cuter candy analogy. My working name for mini mini is currently jellybean. For in 2 more weeks it’s big as a jellybean. And who doesn’t love jellybeans, come in all flavours.

Bloated or pregnant? Well, that’s the bloat. The only symptoms I’m really feeling at the moment is being so bloody tired, sore boobs, feeling cold and the bloat. The damn bloat. Already barely fitting into some clothes.

Crossing fingers for no morning sickness. Given my wine allergy and then my bulimia i have done enough puking in my life already.

Today we are off to a lunch and then a party. Funnily enough I’m actually feeling better now than when I was on the strongest meds so ready to meet the world again.

A little sprinkle of joy

It worked!! Maybe baby decided to be a baby. A little mini baby. That according to my app kind of looks like an ear.

It’s currently as big as a sprinkle. That’s just beyond cute.

So yeah. I’m pregnant. Feels so unreal after all the wait and negative results previously but thank god for modern medicine. And NHS. And all our amazing doctors.

It’s still super, super early of course. Week 4. That’s means that the miscarriage risk is still high. Was thinking of not writing anything about it but hey, you guys been following me through thick and thin in this so here we are.

We are having a baby!!!!

George cried. I was in shock. I mean really. Felt nothing yesterday. Other than a numb relief.

Today I need to head to the doctor for more medications and to book a scan in two weeks. To hopefully hear the heartbeat.

What the mother fucking crazy shit is this.

(Sorry for that little outburst, minds still not really accepting all of this)

We had a celebratory dinner that unfortunately literally turned to shit when George had some soy and it kicked off his celiac and he was in the bathroom all night. The highs and lows of life…

I’m busy thinking budgets since we can also start planning the wedding from W12 when the worst risk of anything happening has passed. And booking a trip to Sweden. And you know, trying to come to turns with all of this.

Happy weekend you guys.