A long journey

Having dinner with Katta tonight. I need to see her as much as possible before she leaves. It will be empty here in London 😦

I wrote about our ivf journey on instagram today. An friend of mine texted me privately to thank me for talking about it. Shed done the same treatment to freeze her eggs and found it very hard and lonely.

I just want there to be no shame with this kind of treatment. Because there isnt. You cant help what happens with your body. But if people refuse to talk about it or whisper half heard gossip it becomes shameful. And you feel lonely. It hard enough as it is.

The same way im not ashamed of my struggles with depression im not ashamed that out bodies didnt really cooperate to have a baby. Instead im extremely grateful to modern medicine and a hospital system that gives you the help you need.

And to family and friends being supportive through this. Becasue as my friend who texted me wrote ‘i was not prepared for how hard it was going to be’. And it is. Its a bit like going to war against your own body. And your mind. So please, if anyone ever talk to you about their struggles to conceive or thinking about freezing their eggs, listen with an open mind hold their hand in the storm.

With the happy outcome of that journey its easy to forget the pain but a part of me will always be marked by those 18 months.

Life…

We went to the affordable art fair last night. Affordable is a very vague word. I mean, it started from £500 and went up to £6000 so lets say we didnt really come out with shopping bags of stuff (as in we bought zero).

Lovely event though and found some things i fell in love with. But, dont really make sense to buy lots of stuff before moving.

Speaking of moving. Life eh…. George got told over the weekend that from January he will at most have a part time job with Kyro. They are downsizing their ambassador program. And you know my situation of ‘most likely not having a job in London’ when im back from maternity. So here we are, more or less without steady jobs when the baby is born. Not exactly according to plan.

So maybe we’ll move earlier. Start over in Stockholm rather than trying to find new jobs here for a short time. However, if there is a job for me (no one knows) then i have to go back to work or i need to pay for my maternity leave.

Easy peasy lemon squeezy. Not a headache at all. And perfect timing since there is nothing else going on in life right now.

Well, time will tell and all will work out one day and then we’ll laugh at this. But for now we are not buying expensive art works and generally trying to keep things under control. Big spender has become little spender.

On the cute side though. Sita bought these mini shoes for baby from Argentine. Be still my beating heart.

Always. Or, one day again.

George getting ready to pretend hes going to buy some art.

But first, magic. Ravi invited us to the fair. Not only is he awesome, hes also a magician (i mean, thats pretty awesome too).

I fell in love with this double painting, Imagine that is a night lamp for the baby room. Unfortunately £650 isnt in the unemployeed budget.

And this one. Too cute.

Its by an artist called Damilola Odusote and i might have fallen in love with all of his stuff. One day ill be rich.

Then we took our fancy shuttle back to the tube and the driver was probably drunk and i got sooo car sick. Could only be saved by gingerbread dough.

Fat lyfe!

Welcome to the fat life! The almost 9 kg are starting to take its toll. The stranded beach whale look is this seasons trendiest. Yesterday baby had his feet safely planted in what felt like it was directly in my bladder. Like foot urine deep. That meant both trips to the bathroom every 30 min plus a bit of stomach pain.

Pregnancy glow my ass.

And try sleeping with a foot in your bladder. And a snoring man next to you. Ended up sleeping on the sofa to the sweet sound of the italians above us having a party until 6am. But, thats party karma from my previous party life.

On the fun side. In two weeks im going to a halloween party and i get to plan preggers outfits. Plus 2x bday party next weekend. George also gave me two bottles of alcoholfree gin so get to feel like one of the cool kids.

We are all kin

Almost in the third trimester. Everything is going smoothly and little one is even more active if thats even possible. Have my consultation booked in for the C-section in a couple of weeks and in general feeling good except for the standard aches and pains.

Told George he had to stay home with me on NYE rather than work. I feel bad being that person but its only 3 weeks before EDD and if something happens im all alone. On a night with no taxis. No ones around so i cant make someone else look after me 🙂

Ha, i would have never thought like this for my own health but the thought of something happening to mini baby because i cant get myself to the hospital in time makes me go all mama bear.

Work is starting to get a bit tricky but so far my long monkey arms are making sure i can still type and you know, get dressed.

Got a beautiful ring from Louise on Friday. Shes started a jewellery brand here in London called Kin. Because we are all kin.

Shes just starting out but doing some lovely things. Check it out! I love that im surrounded by so many talented people. One day ill make beautiful things as well.

Took some artsy photos to show the ring off. I absolutely love it.

Been looking for a top finger ring for a while but its hard to find nice ones. So, just have your friends make them for you 🙂

When you have so much stuff laying around your desk at work you can stage a photo shoot.

Speaking of friends. We had Stu over for dinner last night, havent seen him in ages. I do tend to forget my friends at the moment because so sofa bound (yes, its my own choice, im just like a lazy, fat cat) and it was lovely to see him.

Only 55 work days left and then this new, crazy stage in my life starts. Cant wait but also a tiny bit nervous.

Shenanigans

I went out on Friday. Like actually dressed up, left the house and came home after midnight. Rock and fucking roll my friends.

George was working Cocktail weekend with the rest of UKs bartenders so i headed there to get me some delicious mocktails. It was torture, it all looked so good. But, i walked around for 2h saying hi to everyone and having a lot of people saying hi to jellybean and petting the belly. He said hi back. Then i headed up to Found and ran into Dallas. Then George joined and we got surprise ambushed by Alex and Lucy. So nice. Perfect friday night.

Josh showing off his new company. He is making frech juices for the bars. The perfect place for me to hang out.

It was like a drunken carnival in the cocktail village.

I got glittered up and hang out in a sauna.

In rye we trust. Why not. To be honest though, im not a massive rye fan.

The coolest boys at LCW. Josh stole me away but lost me as quickly. Not that easy to keep up with drunken people when you are sober.

Alcohol free booze. George got me two bottles. Hello Christmas time.

Ended the night with a glitter selfie in the bathroom. As you do.

Saturday we chilled. George was working and i can of felt hungover so W and me just sat on the sofa and slept and ate. Dream life.

Hanging out with his favourite belly. Its becoming quite sizeable now. But, i am 6.5 months and the baby like 35cm in there so its bound to get a bit tight.

Hairy

Got a haircut again. Problem about slowly but surely turning grey is that you need to update the colour to avoid those sexy grey roots. And yes, my vanity is definitely my hair, not ready to give up and become grey yet.

Some sexy stages on the way to princess hair.

And here we go. Locks and blow dry. True princess hair.

The hair looks very dark i know but it lightens up.

I had exactly this colour 3 months ago and this is me yesterday before the colour. Back to my normal, lighter colour.

Ended my night drinking this years first Julmust. Can you feel it guys? Because i certainly can…

Christmas is coming!

Happy, happy, happy!!

They have booked!! They are coming!! Im kind of crying and laughing and is wayyyyy too excited. Like me sis told the kids ‘youll have the most christmassy christmas ever’. Hell yeah they will! Im going even more all in when i get to decide.

I wonder if i can get away with giving them matching PJs to sleep in when they are here…

So now im in full on planning mood. Mixing up a swedish/english/aussie/french/polish Christmas. Im going to rock this shit, they wont even know what hit them.

Yes! Happy faces all around. All the sadness is replaced by happiness. God i love my family.

And W. He’ll be there as well. I mean, he’ll hate having the house full but who cares. Im totally getting him a little Christmas hat.

Im going to try and contain my Christmas feelings for another month now. Not in private of course but to you guys here.