I entered 2011 feeling at home in my new city, living with my girls, having a boyfriend i was really falling for and whole group of awesome friends. Top notch.
It was all about them parties. Dani and Eric was a solid couple at this time and one of many boozy nights at Santa Lucia before hitting the west London nightclub of coice.
Or house parties. Any night of the week is fine really if you get to dig into the dress up box.
Boys in dresses. Naturally.
Family!! Probably Raffles. Or Valmnont. The upside of your friends working as promoters is free flowing booze.
However, if there is one thing we know is that things change. 3 days before my birthday Walkey broke up with me. I was heartbroken. Not because he was the love of my life but because i had trusted someone for the first time after my time with Magnus and he kind of crushed that.
Elin, being a hero, took a couple of days off with me just after and we went to Bath to celebrate Valentines. Stupid choice if you are heartbroken…it was us and the happy couples.
However, no one cries for long in the mansions and we threw an epic birthday party 90’s style for my 29th.
We had a hotshot bathroom (of course)
And most of the night was spent in there.
Britney bitch of course when your heart is bruised.
More epic after parties
Tom and Ben fell in love with the west london party scene (and Tom with Elin) and they came down pretty much every weekend for a good night out.
We went to a full moon party. Tompen worked as a model and got us in at all the crazy model parties. We were just about 10 years too old but who cares when you are mending a broken heart with booze and boys.
I was NOT happy. The break up had set something off in me and this is when i started developing my eating disorder. I got very skinny fast. Walked for at least 3h a day, barely ate and had started throwing up.
But you can hide most things behind make up and clothes.
The party continued and my family took care of me as best they could.
Spring came to London and it felt like it was never ending bank holidays that year
We hung out in East London with the boys
And in the park. All the time. Picnics and wine.
Sometimes even in the mornings crawling home from an after party.
Laxen threw a house party with Jersey Shore theme (yes, thats what you did in 2011) anf you can see how skinny i had got here.
I felt like i looked good but i wasnt happy. I just couldnt get on the right side of things and i was still hurting somewhere deep inside.
We took care of each other but there is only that much you can do when things are hurting.
I went to Sweden for the summer and saw my friends. I felt weirdly displaced being at home in both places and i couldnt really handle it. Felt like i was letting my friends back home down by not being as present.
I had met Oliver in June and over the summer we became serious. He was my lifeline and break from all of the madness my life had become. He caught me in solid arms and took care of me
I burnt my leg and i moved in with him for a couple of days. He cooked me food and made sure i was looked after. Different from the crazy life i had been living with the constant party.
My leg got better and we celebrated Toms birthday with a crayfish party.
Of course you get your own snaps songs when you its your birthday
And as always…more dress up! My work colleagues were the best. This is Disney, Im Bagheers. Duh.
Went to Sweden again. Partying with ma girls and Agnes got baptized. Love this picture of her and dad. Dancing with grandpa.
Oliver turned 26 (yes, im a cradle snatcher) and i spent a lot of time hiding away in his flat.
At our flat things had gone a bit messy and the group was breaking up. Misunderstandings and fighting.
Elin and i moved to a flat of our own and Kix and Robin moved in together. It was the end of an area and i was struggling with that on top of my general not so great wellbeing.
People came to visit. Tove, my mum, my sister. People filled with all the love i so badly needed.
At this point the bulimia had gotten bad and i was throwing up most days but hiding it very well from everyone. Fake it until you make it right.
For Christmas we built elaborate ginger bread houses and i hid everything in my love for Christmas.
However, i knew something was really wrong when i stood throwing up my dinner on Christmas eve crying in the bathroom at the country house. I knew something needed to change for 2012 and i remember being very happy to year was coming to an end.
Heres some bonus pictures just because. My blog after all.
The 2011 crew!
Me and Ben became bffs and party buddies when Tom and Elin fell in love and the west London crew broke around us. He helped me so much by just being there. Endless hugs and i could always sleep in his bed getting my spoon when i needed it. He single handedly kind of put my broken heart together, unfortunately my mind needed a lot more work.
Laxen was another one who was always there for me. He was my ‘lets watch silly rom coms whenever you need it’ buddy and carried me through so much.
And my london family of course. But when things breaks among the closest you sometimes need people one step away to have your back.
Just because awesome picture.
And ending with another dress up party because its the best thing ever.
That was 2011. A very sad year. Good in many ways and i made some life long friends but looking back i mostly remember the sadness. Even meeting Oliver didnt help that, i was so far in it by then. But he became the one to lift me and help me out of all of that.