Covered in overalls

We are off to Prague tomorrow. Belly is still manageable so shouldnt be a problem. Im assuming ill be the designated sober person for this team of miscreants. Im also by far the oldest, i mean, its for Lucies 30th…

But itll be fun. And ill eat goulash. All i need really. I can be out early checking out Prague while the others are sleeping. Last time i was there it was all about them drinks so didnt see much but bars. But this time see me being an cultural expert.

Btw, my colleague asked me if a wanted to join for the climate strike tomorrow. I was like ‘im flying…’. Fail!

On Tuesday met this babe. Havent seen her since Midsummer so definitely time for a catch up. We went for ramen and then to soho house for dessert. Because thats the kind of awesome people we are.

On the way home i popped by Next and found these cute preggers overalls. Cant get more american, cute girl next door, pregnant than this. Now i just need to paint the nursery with paint all over my face and i am living the dream.

And because my friends are awesome Lollo gave me not 1, not 2 but 6 nail polishes in dark colours. Winter sorted.

Yesterday i worked from home and decided it was autumn despite 19 degrees out. Still waiting for the cold guys.

Messy eyebrows and overalls. You might think ive given up but im actually giving in to the look.

Got to spend the day with my favourite. Love this little monster.

Week 22

Life. Highs and lows. My emotions are definitely a bit more volatile at the moment. Still mine but damn, it can change quickly. Generally happy but get very sad all of a sudden. Like oh my god i need to cry sad.

Im 22 weeks today and everything is bang on plan. Growing away like a champ and lil Loki in there is making all the mischief. I need to go to the bathroom even more often during the night. Maybe ill just install a bed in the bathroom.

George felt a proper kick yesterday and those lega are definitely getting stronger. Bodes well for the coming 4 months..

Hey there baby belly. Almost 6 months now. Ive always thought i would be huge but its not too bad.

Btw, i need to brag a bit. We have a constant issues in proving to our french HQ that what we do here in London is good enough and as a result of that our CMO got an external (french) firm to analyse our work and come up with a next step plan to improve.

However, their report was really positive and basically said we are best in class and there is nothing to improve on. They said they dont recommend we hire them since there is nothing for them to do.

Im so happy with this. One of my main issues and failures as a manager here is to get HQ to believe in my teams and to see how good they really are and now we have it on paper.  I can leave happily on my maernity leave now knowing that the team will be all good.

Now i just need to do the same for my other team. Because they are awesome too.

Lets just walk, its not too far

Walked for almost 4 hours yesterday. That was maybe a tad much almost in month 6. I could feel it in my hips and knees at the end of the day. Lovely walk though but i think i need to start listening to my body a bit. Im no spring chicken and 4h is pushing it even on the best of days.

Ha, and then i had a total break down during the, not particularly good, netflix movie called Tall girl. It just hit home in some weird way. So preggers hormones went rampant and i cried on the bathroom floor for like 30 min. I mean, im not particularly sensitive about my heigth these days but clearly there was some unresolved shit in there from my younger days. I guess being a freak growing up is never easy.

On Friday i was in my PJs but then decided that ‘seriously, im not dead yet’ and changed outfit and went into town to meet up with a crew at first Murder Inc and then Mimis. I need people. If i feel boring at home i need to change that. Easy.

We were W free all weekend so on Saturday we headed to the Modern Museum to see the Kubrick exhibition. It was sold out so we took funky pictures in mirrors instead.

Hey there favourite people.

Then Havelock for lunch. George is going 100% carbs now that he can eat it for 2 weeks for this tests.

Fun people to hang out with…

So i took colour pop selfies instead.

After lunch we went home and i had a snooze when Katta and George watched a movie. Im such a weakling these days but i get so damn tired.

Then dinner and another movie. Perfect Saturday times.

Sunday morning feeling lil Jellybean kick in the belly together. Hey there mini baby.

Then we met up with Jean, Natalia and baby Sophie for a walk from Kings cross to little Venice.

We found a mini disco on the way. Popped in because why not.

Amazing day.

Pit stop at Camden market for lunch and sunny pictures.

Then more walking.

Bringing music we had a little rave when walking. Sophie is the dancing queen.

Hey awesome people. Wish all days were like this.

There is some serious pattern clash going on here.

Ha, after a day together they are somewhat better friends but still a long way to go.

Sad girl at the end of the day. Sorry Sophie but we were all walked out at this point.

What a perfect weekend. More of these. Next one we are in Prague so im expecting a lot of drunken pics of everyone else and sober me. Winning!

Actually leaving the house

Friday. We are Woolly free this weekend so the world is our oyster. Tomorrow hopefully going to the Stanley Kubrick exhibition and on Sunday seeing Jean, Natalia and baby Sophie.

Im trying to be better at seeing people. Its my own problem that i feel lonely, there are people for me to hang out with, im just lazy and tired. And next week im seeing Lollo and then Prague for the weekend.

I dont know, its a combo of being very tired and not having that many people around to meet up with. So i feel lonely. But then i struggle with guilt for asking G to be home with me. I mean, everyone who knows him knows he is happiest with all his friends around.

Yesterday i felt like a snake that swallowed a piglet. Feeling very filled up with baby.

Belly still low down for W to chill on. He loves putting his head on there. Until he got a little kick in his head and then he moved. Sorry.

Me and my massive preggers pillow. Hard work that one but awesome for my back. Going to take a bit of time to get used to and George keeps saying he and W have been replaced. They havent, they just cant fix my back right now.

Thought i went for pretty sky blue, it turned out to be horrible hospital gown colour.

But, the boys seems to be enjoying the pillow after all.

Being that person

I feel like im snowballing into old age today. First i went to the dentist and he decided i needed a mouth guard when i sleep. Yes, im now one of those people that get ready for bed by putting in a very sexy mounth guard…

Then i got to work and couldnt find my cup. I mean, its a swedish, mega cup but i spent 30 minutes looking for it. Involving half the office.

I might need help. Or a walking cane.

Other sexy, young peoples things ive been up to is buying a massive preggers pillow, eyeing up another set of loooouuuuunge wear, deciding on a ergonomic backpack and hiding all my high heeled shoes.

Life is wild kids.

At least i had a pretty walk to the dentist this morning.

Scars

One of the things that are hard to talk about now that im pregnant and everything worked and we are so happy waiting for our little boy is the backlash of the two last years.

For a very long time i lived under constant stress and worry. Doctors appointments, disappointments, endless waiting, laughing, because what else to do, at how i walked, ass hanging out, through the hospital corridors doubled over in pain after being turned upside down in machine and filled up with blue liquid. Weeks of constant injection and not to mention the three months we were told we were unlikely to ever have children.

Laying awake late at night and asking George ‘what do we do if we cant? Do we adopt, sperm donor, give up on family’. Questions too big too handle.

And that constant, underlying fear and worry of an unknown future.

Everything culminating in 2 months of a crazy rollercoaster for my body. The injections filling me up with hormones and eggs. Pain so bad i had to go to the hospital, nightmares every night and then two weeks of reading every sign of my body without wanting to hope too much but googling everything late at night.

Then happiness. Pregnancy and hormones and tiredness and back to traveling every week and not recognising my body but dreaming of my little baby in there.

But im starting to feel it now. The tiredness, the loneliness, the anger at the world and at George when he is not around. I think its my mind finally catching up with everything that happened. It went too quick from despair to elation, its only catching up now and dont even know what to feel. Add to that your normal pregnancy hormones.

I think i have to accept the war ive been through. What it did to my mind. That its probably going to take a bit of time for me to fully come to terms with this. How happiness and sadness can coexist without taking from the other.

Or as Elsa Billgren describes it on her blog

index

‘So many things we do just because we have to and then just go on’. And thats how it is, you do it because there is no other way but it doesnt mean there is no scars.

Those were the times

Im feeling very pregnant today. As in tired, heavy and to be honest, boring. So i needed a little look back to the times when i was fun.

Awesome night for Canemans hen do. After ski theme and we went bananas on Sannas mums old bronzing powder.

Secret Cinema 20s style.

Pirate themed work party at Unibet. Only way to fight the seasick was to get drunk. Worked like a charm.

First year Burning Man. I know you guys are tired of hearing of this but i get jealous every time around this year seeing my fellow pixies in the desert.

Another BM. 8 in the morning at Bubbles and Bass after a long night at Robot Heart. This is what  its all about.

Halloween is my jam man. Dress up and goth. Need to figure out what to paint the belly as this year.

Young and pretty (?). Trash can Santa (and yes, Sanna and Filippa seem to be my wingwomen in most of these. Fellow lovers of a good dress up party)

More desert because who doesnt love the desert. Cant believe Dani and me are both having boys.

How i miss glowsticks. And yes, i know, i can still wear them but its simply not the same.

Maybe its time for another Secret Cinema. Best excuse to dress up and you dont actually have to be drunk to get away with it.

Summer mornings. One day ill be face covered in glitter having danced through the night again fuelled by redbull.

Send me to the beer tent someone please.

Not even 30. Those were the days. Young and dumb in your 20s. And definitely fitter than right now.

Unicorns! Because this is what they really look like. No rainbows and shit, just pure magic.

The pre party, dress up drinking excitement.

Wrapped up in a whip with some seriously hot girls. Yes.

This was last year. Still fun. A couple of years now of being just a mum and then ill be back to crazy outfits and glitter. Just watch me.